


Boldly Go

by Fetch_Me_My_Salt_Daggers



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 19:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3422891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fetch_Me_My_Salt_Daggers/pseuds/Fetch_Me_My_Salt_Daggers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically what I think would happen if Spock and Jim actually got together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boldly Go

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the new post-2009 movieverse, so just picture Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine and such. There will be either two or three chapters, but idk exactly where I'm going with it, so I've put the rating as mature just to be safe. I'll try my best to do these characters justice! I hope you enjoy!  
> Chapter 1: Nyota's pov  
> Chapter 2: Spock's pov  
> Chapter 3?: Jim's pov

I suppose I always knew. The thought was always there somewhere in the back of my mind, but I guess I just wanted to be a little selfish if that's what you want to call it. I mean, we did start this relationship together, it's not like either of us were forced into it. We both made our feelings clear and mutually accepted. But now... No this isn't about me anymore, or us; it's about him, about Spock.

Spock, the man I love, the one person who deserves to be happy more than anyone else in the whole universe. Or at least as happy as he can be. The kind of happiness that I've realized I just can't give him, no matter how much I wish I could. The kind of happiness I wish I could see in those beautiful brown eyes whenever he looks at me. The kind I'd see right now if I was closer.

“No offense.”

“Huh?” I turn to my friend sipping her coffee. She was talking before, looks like I zoned out. “Sorry, what?”

“I was just saying the Captain's pretty great, you know? The Commander's nice and everything, just not who I'd have gone with. Not that you have bad taste.”

“Gee, thanks,” I say flatly before turning back to the scene across the park. I suddenly felt very angry. “Ugh! Am I seriously the only one that's immune to his “charms”?” I grabbed my tea and drank furiously as I glared, wishing I could set his stupid blonde head on fire.

“Whoa, girl. Is everything okay?” She asked. “Trouble in paradise?”

“No, just... I don't know.” With a heavy sigh I place the empty cup back on the table a little too roughly. I gather my books and slide my purse over my shoulder. “I've got a lot of work to finish. I'll catch you later, okay?” She still looks worried. “Look I-I'm okay, really, I'm just a bit stressed. I promise I'll call you after I'm done with this stuff,” I give her a halfhearted smile and pat the books in my hands. “We can have a girl's night.”

“Ohmigosh yes! I've been dying to go out!” She jumped up and hugged my neck, gave a little squeeze, then let go. “I'm gonna hold you to that promise.”

“Yeah, yeah. Later!” We both waved goodbye. I took one last look at the boys before walking in the opposite direction. “Trouble in paradise”. I guess you could say that. Seriously though, what am I going to do? I definitely have to talk to him, but what should I say? “It's not you, it's me?” God no. This is so bad... I mean, do I really even want to do this? I felt a familiar feeling welling up inside me and began walking a little faster. I need to stop thinking about this right now. I've got to get to work.

...--...--...

It's amazing what you can get done when you really need a distraction. Unfortunately you never think about what'll happen when you run out of distractions. One seemingly very long tram ride, and one very intense staring contest with the reflection in the window of said tram later and I was finally home. The door slid shut just in time for that familiar feeling from earlier to rear its ugly head.

You have to do this. You need to do this. Tonight. Right now. I walked quickly to my room to the small table beside my bed and grabbed the phone there. Two taps and there it was. A five-letter name written in stylized script printed over the personalized background of a rather unhappy looking black cat. Perfect for him. Despite how lightly I touched the green circle on the screen, it did register. Calling...

“Hello?” A soft, monotone voice spoke. I wanted to respond, but all I could muster was a weak sob, and before I knew it, the tears started to fall.

I managed to choke out, “Spock...”

“Nyota? Are you all right?”

“Yeah, yes I just...” No. No you are not. “No, actually... Do you think you could come over? If you're not busy.” Please! Before I can change my mind. There was a pause on the other end.

“Yes, I believe I've made sufficient enough progress that I can put this on hold for now. Please, allow me some time to clean up and I will be there as soon as possible.” I put my hand over my mouth to quiet myself.

“T-thank you,” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. The call disconnected, which meant he had hung up. I dropped the phone on the bed. I figured I had at least twenty minutes for a good cry, so I put my face in my hands and just let it out.

Almost exactly twenty five minutes later, Spock was at my door. I wiped my face, then slowly got up and walked over to let him in. Once the door slid away I could see his usual blank expression, betraying no emotion, if only for a moment, for after a second of looking at me there was a slight flash of concern in those beautiful eyes.

“Nyota-?” I cut him off.

“Please, come in.” I stepped to the side so he could enter. “Do you mind if we talk in my room?” I asked.

“Not at all.” I lead him to my room and sat on the bed where I'd been before. He picked up the phone next to me and placed it back on its little table before taking its place beside me. I forgot it was there. I felt bad.

“Is there something you wanted to talk to me about, or would you like me to provide comfort for whatever has made you so distressed?” I looked at him and felt fresh tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. Oh God. I can't do this. I can't do this. “Nyota,” He placed a hand over mine in my lap. “I do not like seeing you so sad. Whatever it is, I am here for you.” My hero. That's right. You're doing this for him. For both of them.

“Spock?” Here goes nothing. “You love me, don't you?” He seemed a bit surprised. He took his hand away and composed himself.

“Yes, I do,” He answered.

“Right, I know,” Come on! “But... You...” Just get it over with! “You... Also love someone else... Don't you?” I looked at him again. This time you could really see he was surprised.

“I'm...” Wow. Speechless. Never thought this would happen. “I am not sure I understand.”

“Come on, Spock! I'm not blind! I see the way... The way you look at him.” That sounded more judgmental than it should have. “And well, I already knew how much you care for him.”

“Him?” He knew who I meant, but I guess someone like him always needs clarification.

“Jim,” It felt like an accusation. “You're in love with him, aren't you?” Spock's eyes widened a bit and he stared at me. He dropped his gaze, I thought maybe out of embarrassment, but I swear I could see sadness in those beautiful eyes. “Spock... Look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong.” Got him. Vulcans do not lie.

“I believe...” He didn't bother looking up. “There is some truth to what you say.” The tears that had been threatening to fall, finally spilled over. I thought I was prepared to hear him say it, but I was wrong. Spock looked at me, concerned again. I let out a weak laugh in between gasps.

“I guess some part of me was still hoping that I was wrong.” He lifted a hand to my cheek.

“Nyota, please, this changes nothing. I do still love you, and it would be illogical to end a present relationship for another that might not even come to be.”

“What?” Now I was angry. “Spock, this has nothing to do with logic! It's about how you feel!” I sighed. “When I approached you I thought I had no chance of you reciprocating my feelings, but you, you do have a chance.” I took his hand from my face and held it. “I won't claim to know Jim's feelings, but I've noticed things, like how he looks at you the same way you look at him. And everyone knows how important you are to him, and how highly he thinks of you.” I closed my eyes and let go of his hand. “That's why I'm letting you go now, so you don't miss your chance.”

“Nyota...” He paused, then started again. “If you are only doing this for my sake...”

“I'm not!” I looked at him and gave him an unconvincing smile. “The truth is... I'm selfish. When I see you with him, whenever you talk about him, or he talks about you I just get so frustrated! I can't be happy for someone I truly admire. It's all just anger and jealousy. It's because of you that I feel this way and that's not fair to me. I want someone who thinks about me all the time, who sees me and only me. I want to monopolize you, but that's not fair to you.” He stared at me for a long time before he spoke again.

“I see,” he said quietly and closed his eyes in defeat. “It seems I have no valid argument, yet again.” He opened those beautiful brown eyes, filled with sadness. His mouth formed a small, apologetic smile.“I am truly sorry.” Something in me broke, and as if to try to stop the flood I hugged him tight and buried my face in his chest. It didn't work. And the last words I heard that night, “I will always love you.”

Though later on I would know that it wasn't true, my first thoughts were that I regretted all of it, that in those first few seconds after everything had ended, I wished I could take it all back. After tonight he would no longer be mine, and I would later cry, again, just like now, but he wouldn't be there to hold me. And later on I might think that that's okay, but for now, I'll cry myself to sleep in his arms, knowing that for just a little while longer, he'll still be mine.


End file.
